I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My vagina is very pro this idea
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
