I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
