i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
