Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
