Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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