I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
