I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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