Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
