I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
