you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
