KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
