It's Friday. Sex?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
