Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
there was a trapeze. enough said
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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