Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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