Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
