If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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