If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Found your dick twin last night
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
