I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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