For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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