i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
