Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
