I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
