I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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