did you get engaged???
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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