I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
