I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
