It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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