I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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