Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
