My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
