Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
