Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
