I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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