3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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