So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
