I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
