someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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