Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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