I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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