he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
