In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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