Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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