Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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