ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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