Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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