There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
