my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
