It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
