Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
