I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize