Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
