hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
