There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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